Thursday, May 25, 2017
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C H A P T E R   T W O ::

I  N   T H I S   C O R N E R


Fightey-Town, noun. Def.: A violent place in either an actual physical location or simply a violent headspace. EXAMPLE "If you keep pushing my buttons, we are going to take the train to Fightey- Town together.” OR "Even now, when I see Bush on TV my stomach roils and my attitude goes straight to Fightey-Town." OR "At first blush, it looked like a tranquil 1970s Chicagoland bedroom community...but the large population of Irish made it a dangerous Fightey-Town for the children who lived there."


First of all, what kind of a-hole would write a book about all of his stupid fistfights? Good question. The short answer is: This a-hole. I have been paid [a little] to write about a lot of things, mainly humor, but I GOT TO thinking that the fights, while certainly one of the most asinine topics ever, make fairly interesting stories.  Well, at least I have repeated them verbally ad nauseum, as any of my friends will tell you. Plus, I remember them all very clearly. Plus, they say a lot about me...good and bad...maybe even about our world in general, but probably not. Hey, at least this tale is going to be ACTION! PACKED!


I have had about 40 fistfights or more. That’s about the same amount as a family of Oakie white supremacist crank dealers. And I don't look like a fighter. Sometimes I look like one of those 40- year-old cologne commercial guys stepping off of a yacht. You know, chiseled features, ascot riffling in the breeze: a gray fox with too much to lose to fight. Ha! Nothing could be farther from the truth. I am a semi-starving artist/ carpenter without a bank account who just happens to LOOK pretty good because I stay in shape...for my next fight! I kid. I play a lot of sports where I live in sunny Los Angeles and I am a good carpenter with a surviving small business and an aspiring...well, still everything. One of my friend’s ongoing jokes is that a gang whose member I beat up would show my acting headshot around to his boys to organize my beatdown...and everyone would laugh-'THAT'S THE GUY WHO BEAT YOU UP?!??’ 

Read more: Chapter 2

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